I've made no secret of the struggles I've had with my weight - I'm your classic yo-yo dieter, and have been since I was about 20.
That all changed when I went to uni and I wasn't happy there. Eating became a source of comfort and pleasure. Then I realised I wasn't comfortable in my clothes, I was having to buy bigger sizes. So I joined a slimming club, and a gym, lost the weight, got my confidence back and felt great.
The problem is that this pattern has been repeated ever since. Sad times, and even sometimes periods where I feel really content, meant me seeking solace in food. Of course, munching through a box of chocs never solved anything, just distracted me from whatever was wrong at the time.
I also do the classic female thing of comparing myself (usually unfavourably) to any other woman in the vicinity!
I've done a lot to try and be more accepting of myself since then though, and although it's a work in progress, it's progress nontheless! Me and The Mister decided we needed to also take some decisive action and tackle losing weight together - so once again we are at a slimming club. I have to say its SO much easier having someone to cheer you along!
It's not all plain sailing though - life is still happening, and with that comes all the stresses I used to succumb to. At the moment I am struggling. And I'm not losing much weight. But I'm trying not to let myself sink into the chasm of eating for England again. I'm trying to see the fact that although I'm not losing, I'm not gaining either, as a positive thing.
But needless to say, I'm getting a bit frustrated with my slow progress now. So rather than beat myself up, I thought I'd try to inspire myself instead. There are so many benefits ahead for me when I get to my goal weight!
Family!
This is really the big one. Me and The Mister want to become someone's Mum and Dad at some point down the line.
Not only do I want to be fit and healthy to have a safer happier time during pregnancy and beyond, but also, and perhaps more importantly, neither me or The Mister want to pass on our food issues, which means we need to deal with them now!
Running!
In previous slimmer periods, I was a regular runner, and would run on the treadmill and outdoors most nights. I loved it - it made me feel great, meant I could enjoy the occasional treat, I slept better, had glowing skin and it was a general all round win.
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| picture sourced HERE |
At the gym, I've made a few attempts to start running on the treadmill again, but my only reward so far has been sore knees, which is never good. So I'm going to concentrate on strengthening my legs until that stops. But I'll get there!
Fashion!
At the moment, clothes shopping is a traumatic event which has seriously been known to reduce me to tears. Instead of choosing the clothes I like, I have to choose the clothes that fit. Which means my sense of personal style has fallen by the wayside somewhat.
I can't wait til shopping for clothes is a fun thing again, when I can shop in more fashionable places, and get a bit of individuality back in my wardrobe!
Healthy Body, Healthy Mind!
There's no doubt that getting things under control now will mean less risks in terms of both mental and physical health both now and in the future!
A Sense of Balance!
I've realised that just like happiness can't be found at the bottom of a sack of maltesers, neither can it be found in a size 8 dress. I'm not built that way, and I like my curves. I just want the layer of unhealthy fat to be gone from over them! And that approach never did Kim K any harm!
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| Picture Sourced HERE. |
And speaking of balance, I also want to achieve a healthier relationship with food eventually - I don't want to see food as the enemy any more! I just want to enjoy a healthy, balanced diet, and not eat to escape emotion.
I'm sure I'm not the only one out there to have experienced issues around weight etc... What inspires you to keep going?
How do you stay happy once you get to the weight you want to be?
Unless otherwise stated all pictures in this post were sourced at www.weheartit.com
20 comments:
This makes me sad :(. I am worried I am heading down the yo yo diet route. I am only 20 and am thin atm but I am really unhappy at uni and I know I eat for comfort.
Both my parents gained loads of weight and have only recently lost it. My mam is now as thin as I am. So I know I have good genetics its just I am worried I am going to keep on gaining weight. I am slowly getting bigger because I have a shit relationship with food.
xxxxx
Shutttupp! You're gorgeous! But, I think almost all women feel negative about their bodies at some point. You are right to want to lose weight for health and you've lost an incredible amount of weight - and if I'm honest, you *do* look more beautiful with the weight loss. But, don't forget that you never see yourself how others see you, women are more self critical than men (hence the Homer Simpsons of this world who embodies half the male population) and in general we blame ourselves for not fitting clothes rather than blaming the manufacturer for making ill fitting or crappy clothes for bigger sizes in the first place. Even if your weightloss has stabilized, it will start to drop off again. Don't pressurise yourself - you're fab just as you are xxx
@Georgia - Hi there, thanks for the comment and please try not to be sad! instead try to think about what you feel unhappy about and deal with the cause rather than masking it. And believe me, I know all too well that that is a lot easier said than done. Maybe changing things gradually will help too - instead of focussing on the idea that you eat for comfort and judging yourself, try to think about what things you enjoy, and build more of those things into your life, and naturally the emphasis will be taken away from food. Being unhappy at uni is horrible too - have you spoken with your personal tutor or peers? Don't suffer in silence!
@britishbeautyblogger - I definitely agree with all the stuff you said - I think women are so hard on themselves! And I'm trying really hard to be less like that now. But at the same time I do want to be healthier. So I'm pleased that even though I'm not losing at the moment, I'm not gaining either.
Jen, I feel exactly the same. You just have to keep plodding along until you are happy. We are all our own toughest critic! You're looking good at the moment, so don't forget that. Beautiful inside and out. Good luck on your journey lady x
There's so much I could say about the weight issue. In short, I was quite a big baby, a normal child, a somewhat chubby teenager at times, and then I entered the work force as a totally normal adult but gained a lot of weight mainly after some family difficulties and the loss of my grandmother. Eating meant comfort, and I ended up weighing over 90 kg (I'm 1m75).
In 2005 I decided I needed to get rid of this weight before turning 30, no matter how long it would take and I was aiming for going down to 80kg, maybe 75 if things were going well. So I joined Weight Watchers and I must say it worked great. For the first time I wasn't expecting miracles and I wasn't expecting things to go fast, and so it worked. After one year I was back at 70kg and I felt great.
Almost 2 years ago, my mom got ill. For some reason, I used to turn to food for comfort earlier in my life but since I've lost the extra weight, stress is rather making me feel sick and unable to eat. Six months later I had lost my mom and weighed 55kg.
I had know the pain of not being able to find clothes big enough for me in the shops I liked, and suddenly I couldn't find clothes small enough. I had been at both extremes with a 40kg difference over the course of 4 years and I must say that does mess up with your head and body image a bit.
I'm back to a perfectly healthy 66kg now, but at times I don't know how I feel about it. I know I was underweighed at 55kg, I scared everybody, I even scared myself when I looked in the mirror and could see all my ribs. But I was thin, really thin, for the first time of my life. Now I feel weird because I do see some bodyfat again, and I can't fit in the jeans I was wearing last year obviously. I do, again, meet girls who're thinner than I am.
I know that for people like us, who have had a lot of weight variation, the mirror will never really tell the truth, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to see ourselves the way we really look.
Oh and I tell myself men prefer a bit of curves, my male friends do say I'm much prettier now :)
So I try to think in terms of healthy weight and healthy eating rather than clothes sizes and I know it's something I'll have to do all my life.
Don't know if that makes any sense, but I thought I'd share.
xx Mariella
I felt like I wanted to leave you a comment but not sure what exactly I wanted to say. I struggled with an eating disorder in my early teens, anorexia imparticular, and it something that has haunted me ever since. I think everything you wrote in this post was incredibly smart and I think you are a sensible person who knows exactly what you need to do be healthy. I think it's definetly a case of healthy mind, healthy body. I think the healthy mind has to come first, running is a great way to feel good and give you something to focus on. I hate the word diet and I would never say to anyone to limit what they eat, workout and eat healthy and even if you dont lose a single pound I think you'll feel better about yourself. Your gorgeous anyway and I think curves are gorgeous, I would DIE to have a figure like Kim K! But we are what we are :)
I'd recommend the cross trainer. It's basically low impact running, and burns a shed load of cals. As for the secret to keeping weight off, sorry I'm as clueless as you but I have a feeling it's all rooted in loving yourself deep inside. If we can beat those insecurities that make us self hate then the rest will come easy x
Good for you for trying again and for not giving up! I too have always struggled with weight loss. I've found blogging to be a good outlet for it and to keep me on track. I found a few exercise programs I love and have been keeping track of calories on my iphone with the Lose It App (myfitnesspal.com is similar). If you ever need an e-buddy, feel free to contact me.
PS. I find interval training and switching up exercises every few months to be quite effective. And don't underestimate the power of adding muscle!
I'm sort of at the beginning - or maybe halfway in - to that cycle you're describing. I'm 24 and have been steadily gaining weight for the last several years, but I never had to exercise before, so I still feel like it's not something "I do." But I've has to buy larger and larger jeans, and my tops don't even fit anymore, and I know it could still get worse. Honestly, if I had nipped this in the bud by beginning (& sticking with) an exercise routine at the age of 20 I think I'd be fine now. Instead I've got catastrophically low self-esteem and keep thinking, "What does it matter, I'm fat anyway" when I've got a craving for fast food or dessert.
I still intend to get to work on this, but every day there are so many other, more time-sensitive things to do. I need to stop making excuses and just do it. Maybe I'll try to keep up with you :)
Best of luck to you!!
I totally identify with your post!
I was watching Barbara Walters' interview with Oprah, and she mentioned her weight issues a bit; She said she'd done herself and her viewers a disservice talking about her weight so much, and she'd resolved never to let weight affect her self image again.
This seems like a very healthy mindset - in the end, we are not our weight.
Of course, for health reasons, it's important to exercise regularly and it makes me feel better physically and mentally, but we shouldn't feel bad about ourselves if we have on more weight than we need. It doesn't make us less valuable people. I think society is pretty harsh in that respect at the moment.
That said, I've steadily collected fat around my midsection over the past year, and I complain about it, but I have not done much exercising. So your post is great.
I eat when I'm unhappy. I've been working on eating more vegetables and chewing my food more thoroughly, and stopping when I'm full.
I can relate. My weight varies dramatically, because although I lose it quite easily when I make a little bit of effort, I'm also super lazy and love to eat. I get to the point where I can't stand it anymore so I make an effort and drop 20+kg, then I get lazy and start stuffing down packets of chips and skipping walks and having a few glasses of wine every couple of days... I have 6 different clothing sizes in my wardrobe.
Currently I'm the biggest I've ever been, and I'm ALMOST at the point where I get fed up and do something about it. Almost...
i don't have much to say except this was a very beautiful and inspiring post and i wish you good luck to you and your hubby x
I can relate to this a lot, I'm a total yo-yoer and have a terrible relationship with food (I've written about this on my blog before but ended up deleting it because I was embarrassed). I'm basically a binger, without the throwing up part.
I would like to lose weight for similar health reasons as well as cosmetic ones now, and I have to admit that over the past few months I have kind of forgotten about dieting or making a specific effort with exercise. In the last week 3 different people have asked me if I've lost weight, and I think I must have done, without really realising.
Anyway, what I mean is it's good to stop obsessing and to just aim for a normal attitude to food and exercise, which is what it sounds like you and Mr Worthy are doing, hooray! My ambition for 2011 is to lose weight without getting obsessed about it - i.e. through a gradual lifestyle change. Good for you and thanks for this post.
Ellie x
Really great post :)
I didn't see this until you pointed it out- so good to read after mine (sorry I used the same piccie too- didn't even know!)
I am yet to become a yo-yo dieter, as I just have no motivation to diet what so ever. My mum has always dieted, since I can remember. She was BIG & then she won slimmer of the year (so got skinny) and then back again, and now she seems to be up & down all the time.
I find exercising very hard, I used to love it- I swam like 5 times a week in a club & so I could eat ANYTHING I wanted. I've never looked skinnnyyyy because of my height, but all of a sudden I've just got bigger!
I seem to be an all or nothing girl though, if I get motivated- I know I can do it! BUT, I will then just go crazy and not want to eat, because I won't want to 'waste' all my good work, but then I will just be back where I am again- I love food way too much!
I just need to be sensible, and find something to work for me, so I hope you do too. LOTS of my friends put on weight at Uni too.
Sorry about the huge ramble comment xx
I totally understand what you are going through. My vicious cycle was that I would eat alot when I was upset/bored/stressed out and doing that and seeing myself in the mirror made me even more unhappy leading me back to more food and this just kept going. Trying to do the " Oh , I am never going to eat so &so ever again" was just not working as any slip would make me feel unsuccesful and I'd just go back to binging.
What worked for me was to let go of all conscious efforts towards my eating habits. I knew if not disturbed by emotional forces or diets I would have just a normal appetite and eventually go back to my ideal weight. And it worked - not thinking about it at all worked the best. Left alone the thoughts just die out over time and you just go back to eating what your body demands instead of your mind. Because even when you are thinking about what diet/exercise /calorie etc to try you are still dwelling on food.So letting all thoughts on food negative or positive take a leave helped me a great deal.I have stayed on the same weight for about three years now and am very happy with my approach towards food: indifferent at most yet still indulgent when I feel like it!
Good luck honey!
Oh Jenn I know exactly where you are coming from. I've always had issues with my weight.
I was a chubby kid, I'm not really sure why, my family made sure we all ate healthily and, while I've always been useless at any sport, I was relatively active, running around and playing. Then when i was in my early teens I was certainly not thin, but I wasn't fat either. I really was more curvy than chubby, with a small waist and big tits and probably looked better then than I ever have since. But I thought I looked awful and felt hideously fat and awful. But at this point I didn't comfort eat, I dealt with my angst in other, stupider ways.
I've always been shy but when I went to sixth form college I basically fell apart and, as I was now responsible for my own diet, started eating a lot of rubbish. I quickly went from a size 12/14 to around a 20. Then one day I just stopped, started eating healthily and a lot less, and exercised and lost a lot of weight.
And then again in the last couple of years I have taken to comfort eating again and put on a couple of stone. None of my old clothes fit and I feel awful, but everytime I try to diet or exercise I fail and end up more depressed than before. I really don't know what I can do but I know I need to do something... probably after Christmas though because theres no chance I'll be good over the holidays!
I wish you so much good luck, I know you can do it! This post shows that you've got a great understanding of the reasons you overeat and the reasons you know you need to stop which is half the battle. If you ever need to talk you know my email :)
A massive thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on this post - I really didn't expect so many honest and supportive comments - I had a strong feeling I was not the only one who had issues like this, but knowing how hard it was to "fess up" in the post anyway, makes it even more amazing that so many people felt that they could step up too!
@Leanne OCD - Thank you! You look fab too you little smasher!
@Musing on Beauty - I'm so sorry to hear about the bereavements you have been through. I definitely agree that food and comfort are linked together, and being different sizes can also affect your body image can't it?
@Jesse - Thanks so much for your fab comment - it must have been very difficult to leave... I think recovering from that takes a lot of hard work, and I hope that you remain well x
@Arlene - Love a bit of cross trainer action! I started using them again at the gym!
@Styrch - thanks so much for your comment! Good luck!!
@Erin - Its really horrible to feel like that... trying to change that mindset is so difficult, but you will get there!
@Kuri - I definitely agree that we are too conscious of our figures,adn that is also influenced by seeing celebs in gossip magazines etc... Its hard to one week see someone being criticised for loosing weight, then the next week being pictured eating with a derogatory comment!
@Dee - I know what you mean - its hard to keep good habits up isn't it?!
@Patricia - thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I really appreciate it!
@Missy Ellie UK - Aw, I can sympathise with the embarassment - I really hope this has reduced those feelings for you! It's hard to get the balance sometimes, but all we can do is try!
@Steph0188 - thanks so much for commenting lovely! I can definitely relate to the "all or nothing" feeling too - I can easily let a bad day turn into a bad week!
@Naz - Some fab advice there! Thank you x
@Lillian - I agree, getting stuck into that cycle is horrible - I really hope we can both break it, and definitely feel free to email me if you want to as well chick!
A massive thank you to everyone who took the time to comment on this post - I really didn't expect so many honest and supportive comments - I had a strong feeling I was not the only one who had issues like this, but knowing how hard it was to "fess up" in the post anyway, makes it even more amazing that so many people felt that they could step up too!
@Leanne OCD - Thank you! You look fab too you little smasher!
@Musing on Beauty - I'm so sorry to hear about the bereavements you have been through. I definitely agree that food and comfort are linked together, and being different sizes can also affect your body image can't it?
@Jesse - Thanks so much for your fab comment - it must have been very difficult to leave... I think recovering from that takes a lot of hard work, and I hope that you remain well x
@Arlene - Love a bit of cross trainer action! I started using them again at the gym!
@Styrch - thanks so much for your comment! Good luck!!
@Erin - Its really horrible to feel like that... trying to change that mindset is so difficult, but you will get there!
@Kuri - I definitely agree that we are too conscious of our figures,adn that is also influenced by seeing celebs in gossip magazines etc... Its hard to one week see someone being criticised for loosing weight, then the next week being pictured eating with a derogatory comment!
@Dee - I know what you mean - its hard to keep good habits up isn't it?!
@Patricia - thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I really appreciate it!
@Missy Ellie UK - Aw, I can sympathise with the embarassment - I really hope this has reduced those feelings for you! It's hard to get the balance sometimes, but all we can do is try!
@Steph0188 - thanks so much for commenting lovely! I can definitely relate to the "all or nothing" feeling too - I can easily let a bad day turn into a bad week!
@Naz - Some fab advice there! Thank you x
@Lillian - I agree, getting stuck into that cycle is horrible - I really hope we can both break it, and definitely feel free to email me if you want to as well chick!
I think happiness is the main thing. And it is so hard to be happy with yourself sometimes. For me its never been about weight (although it irks me I need to wear 2 chicken fillets per cup just to look female!) its been height. It took me forever to love being tall.. I used to feel so tall and manly. It crippled me. I never wanted to do anything or socialise.. and i always compared myself to others. I always though 'look at her shes so delicate looking and im a tall big footed moose!'
I guess what im trying to say is you have to try to learn to love what you have. Its all we have at the end of the day.. we can alter it slightly but no amount of self-loathing or complex will change the immediate results.
And you will be a fab mum someday! You already have the right mentality about HOW you want to be as a pregnant woman.. so id say your on the right track! Fingers crossed for you!!
xxx
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